Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
