I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
