Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
