yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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