I hate all girls vehemently.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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