I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
