ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
