I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Randomize
