ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
