sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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