Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
