I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
