I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
