the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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