well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
