Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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