He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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