Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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