I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
