finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
try to milk me bitch
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
