I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
