Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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