no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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