i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Boobs speak an international language.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
