I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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