yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
