What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
