Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
