you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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