Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
