yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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