Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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