U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
