i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
