Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
