you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
