He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
