It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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