FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
