We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
