i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
