did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
