the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
