Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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