Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
