his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
