It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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