my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
