My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
