I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
